What my Grandparents taught me about marriage

I think most of us are familiar with the traditional Christian form of marriage: with a head-of-the-household husband and a submissive wife (if you're of that belief, PLEASE don't check out yet, keep reading… I’m not planning on bashing this lifestyle or anything). Until recently, I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a relationship that sounded like that and I think that's because it doesn't sound very glamorous. But recently, I've seen a new side of that style of relationship. My grandparents had a traditional marriage. And like I said, until I was visiting my grandma, I wasn't sure I was willing to be in that kind of relationship.

However, under my impression, my Grandpa loved my Grandma. He loved her so much that during most of their marriage, she never drove when they went somewhere together. In fact, she didn't even bother to get her license until she needed it for a job as a school nurse. He loved her so much that he surprised her with a house so that she wouldn't have a lot to take care of when he was gone. He bought her a car that would last her until after he was gone. He loved her. And he loved her through leading her and providing for her. And that is beautiful.By driving her everywhere, buying her a house and a car, by providing for her, He loved her as Jesus loved the church. He really understood. Listening to my grandmother talk a little bit about her marriage painted me the exact picture of what it meant in the Bible when it says "Husbands, love your wives as Jesus loves the church." It's all about sacrifice and love and service, not a power trip that is based on control and pleasing the self. All of a sudden, this view that I believe so many people blindly subscribe to didn’t sound too bad. I would love to be cared for like that. And I believe that’s what we all deserve. I believe we’re all supposed to “love your spouse as Jesus loves the church,” as well as be loved as Jesus loves the church.

It’s not at all about who gets to make the decisions. It’s not about who makes dinner, or who makes more money, or how the bills get paid, or even how the children get raised. It’s about two people trying to serve each other like Jesus served the church, by laying your life down for each other, not by struggling to have the power.

And yet, as I sit here writing this post, it makes me so sad that people like me have a bad taste in our mouth about this style of marriage. It saddens me that a picture painted so beautifully in scripture is simplified to male dominance and female silence. And it’s not even the fact that most traditional marriages I know are like this (at least I believe they aren’t). It’s just that I believe that most people see it that way: That somehow men are less emotive, or stronger, and women are more emotional and unable to make decisions without a man. It’s sad that modern Christians have boiled such a beautiful picture of marriage down to emotions and the ability or inability to make decisions.

So I think whether you believe in female submission or not, I honestly don’t believe it has much to do with that at all. I think marriage has to do with service, sacrifice, and providing for each other the way that Jesus has served, sacrificed, and provided for the church.And that is beautiful, and definitely a marriage I want to be a part of someday.

Also, here's a picture of my grandma meeting her newest great-granddaughter, Eva Grace. So cute!

One BIG reason I'm not engaged (at 21)

Lately, there’s been a trend of people writing blogs and posts about why they did or did not get engaged at a young age. For the most part, all these reasons are great. And they work wonderfully for you. But if we really boil it down, there’s (hopefully) one major reason why you are or are not engaged, it’s in your plan. I believe that I’m not engaged or in a relationship simply because it’s not in my plan. I’ve chatted with God a little (a lot) about this, cause believe me it hasn’t been easy, and He’s made it pretty plain that it’ll happen eventually (or it won’t, which I’ll have to be okay with).

But the truth is that why you did or didn’t get engaged young isn’t important. It doesn’t matter to anyone but you. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself, and I think it’s sad that you feel you need to. I’m glad you’re engaged or married, and to those that aren’t, cheers to you too. There are positives and negatives to each lifestyle, and whether someone else gets married young doesn’t affect my decisions about relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, if I could be engaged right now, I probably would. I love the idea of being in a relationship, getting engaged, and being married. But like I said earlier, God and I have chatted about it, and I know I am meant to be single for now. So I’ve learned to appreciate where I am. I love that I have absolutely no idea that I have no idea what I’m going to be doing in a year from now. For all I know, my life could be absolutely different in every way in a year. And that’s exciting for me. I’m not responsible for anyone else. I have nothing tying me down from doing the work that Jesus has called me to. And I love that freedom.

 I guess my whole point is instead of trying to find reasons to justify why we did or didn’t get married or engaged, let’s appreciate where we are. Let’s make the most of it. Single people, take the time to travel, adopt an animal (or a kid… I like to tell people there’s a good chance that I’ll have adopted a kid before I get married), volunteer; focus on becoming who God wants you to be. It’s a wonderful time (believe me, it’s taken a lot for me to get to the point where I can say that).  And those in a relationship, do whatever you guys do. Focus on each other, focus not on why you got together so young, but on what you’re going to do about it. You have what some of us see as a precious gift, so don’t waste it trying to justify to those few haters out there about why you’re together.

Disclaimer- I'm obviously not married or engaged, not have I ever even been in a relationship, so for all I know, everything I'm saying could be completely wrong. I'm not trying to act like I know everything. This is just something I've been thinking about lately. 

My Grandmother's Story

My grandmother is an extremely inspiring person. She is beautiful, wonderful and thoughtful. She also has an incredible testimony. My grandma's family were all Jehovah's Witnesses. From a young age, this didn't sit well with my grandmother. She was always asking questions that weren't able to be answered by the people at her church or even her father. One day, when she went to services with her father, she stood up and asked a question. The person leading this study was not able to answer her question. She told her father that if they weren't able to answer her questions, she was not going to return.

Eventually, she had a friend who invited her to go with her to a church down the street, and she wanted so badly to go there. Unfortunately, her father wouldn't let her because she would have to cross the street by herself (she wasn't too old at the time). And so she problem solved. Like many of the women in my family, my grandmother is very stubborn. She says "I teased and teased for him to let me go to that church, and then I realized there was a church on the corner of our  street that I wouldn't have to cross the street to get to. So I teased and teased to go to that church." My grandma told me this weekend that she wasn't much older than sixth grade at this point. She went to that church for a very long time, all alone. I can't imagine keeping my faith alive within a family who doesn't believe what I believe, especially being that young. My grandma is inspiring.

It also amazes me that without this story, I wouldn't be. Without her faith, and her persistence, my incredible cousins, aunts, uncles, mom, family wouldn't be. She probably wouldn't have met my grandpa. So many things would be different. I guess for me, it just puts our decisions into perspective. If you believe something is right and true, stand up for it. Pursue it. Because you never know what it will effect. 

She is also really adorable and very VERY carefully hand-picks every card she sends!

I've Been Taking Myself On Dates: On Going to The Movies Alone

Lately I've had this philosophy:
"Why choose not to do something/go somewhere simply because you don't have anyone to do it with you?"

Now many of you who know me are probably shocked... I am an extrovert. I like people. I need people. But, people are not a common commodity these days in my life. I've been pretty lonely. Which I've come to grips with, it's been the season I'm in (which is honestly going to be changing yet again, but you didn't hear that from me).
So, the week of Thanksgiving was when the Catching Fire movie came out. I wanted to go see it so badly! My friends had gone to see it when it came out that weekend, and I couldn't because I was out of town. So, because I didn't have anyone to go with, I went by myself. Going to the movies alone is a completely weird, crazy, but awesome experience. I strongly suggest you do it sometime. Here's what I noticed.


1) There's no one to ask you annoying questions.  Once I went to the movies to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One on opening night. It was my first time going to see a midnight premier, AND it was Harry Potter. You can only imagine how excited I was, and even then it wouldn't begin to cover it. Here's the kicker: my friend wasn't as avid a fan of HP as the rest of us were, and proceeded to ask questions throughout the entire thing! I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, I was glad I didn't have to deal with someone asking questions throughout the whole Catching Fire movie

2) There's no one around you checking their phones. Call me old fashioned, but I hate when people are on their phone in the movie theater! It's so distracting to me and other people! Also, it's all part of the experience of going to the movies. Movies are one of the only times we get to forget our outside lives and immerse ourselves in another world. And I like that.

3) You don't have to share your snacks with anyone.  This one's self explanatory!


I loved going to the movies with myself so much that I signed up to take a truffles class last night! It was at The Cocoa Bean Shoppe in Pittsford, and it was absolutely delightful!

I like this "dating myself" thing. Just because I don't have someone else, doesn't mean I can't do fun things, too!