Happy

Lately, I've been deeply contemplating the term happy. As many of you know, I recently quit my job to work at 211 Life Line which is a call center. I've been answering questions and scheduling appointments for a free tax prep program called CASH. So far, it's been a good experience. Im actually feeling useful. I'm actually doing what's written in my job description. So that's been good. I'm living at home, which has been great. I'm making more money, which is awesome. I've been spending my time with some wonderful people, which is so uplifting. I've been doing some work for a ministry that I have believed in since I was in second grade. Lately, I've been genuinely Happy. This is the first time I've been able to say that since probably September. I'm actually Happy.

So something else I've been thinking about in relation to being happy is the fact that Happy is a choice. Which I believe it is, sometimes. I believe that sometimes, you just need to decide to appreciate what you have and be happy with it. 

But I also believe that sometimes it's not a choice. Sometimes, it's the most difficult concept to grasp. Sometimes Happy seems so far away from where you currently are. And that is an unbelievably hard place to be, because people will tell you to just be happy, just be over it already. Just know that you have a job, and that should be good enough for you, because that's more than some people have. But when you know that there's more out there for you than driving into work everyday, sitting at your desk and doing nothing, and then going home to sit around by yourself, and that's what you've been doing, it becomes difficult to choose Happy. 

So I guess in some ways, I did choose Happy. Because I chose to move home, where I'd be less lonely and bored. I chose to leave my job where my skills and talents weren't being used, and where I wasn't even doing what my job description said I was supposed to be doing. But choosing Happy wasn't a switch I flipped in my brain. It's been about two months since I was just so unhappy that I knew I needed to change, and once I had that in my brain, I couldn't choose anything but the small choices to help me choose long term Happy. 

So I guess all I want to say to those of you that aren't Happy, and are sick of hearing "appreciate what you have," or "it'll get better," is: hold on. It may not seem that you can choose Happy directly. You need to hold on. You may need to make choices that may not seem Happy, but will bring you Hapoy eventually. Then one day, you'll be driving home, and think to yourself "I'm Happy." And then that thought will make you even more Happy as you realize that you haven't been able to say those words for three or four months. Let the warmness of Happy take over, and remind you to choose choices that will bring you Happy.

An Apathetic Generation

I've been realizing a few things lately about my generation. The first is that my generation is extremely apathetic. A lot of us don't care about important things. Things like social justice problems, faith, policy issues, a failing healthcare system, parentless children, poverty, world hunger, war, or basically anything that doesn't have something to do with the small rectangle attached to their hands. Now, I'll be the first to say that yes, I do sometimes fall into this trap. I can be selfish and materialistic. However, this is something I recognize as a problem. Many people have gotten to the point where this is a normal thing, and that it's weird and strange not to be self absorbed. This is a terrible tragedy.

I've watched so many of my friends go down this path, they become consumed with themselves so much that they can't even out their phones down in order to look you in the eye and have a serious conversation with you. If we don't do something soon, we are going to lose the art of face-to-face conversation that is vital in our society. But it's more than just being on your phone (and please hear me, I am guilty of this too). When someone goes down this path, it's as if they have lost all purpose of life. Suddenly they are just living life to get through to the next step that they're supposed to. Maybe it's college, maybe it's grad school, maybe it's getting a real job, but none of it actually matters because it's not what they're passionate about. You see, people in my generation are so absorbed by what others think that they're too scared to step out of the box, to stand up for what is right, to be a voice for someone else. They'd rather turn a blind eye than get involved with something that is worthwhile, but potentially messy. 

The second thing I've noticed is that everyone else, the people who do still care, don't hold the others accountable. Either we'd rather be the heros, or we have been a little infected too (in that we're too afraid to say something). But I believe it's up to us, those of us who have not been consumed by personality-sucking virus that has plagued our generation to stand up. We were meant to say something to those people who don't care anymore, those people who would rather get drunk every weekend and continue to waste their brain cells on something that is much less productive than doing the work that they were made for. 

Us Millenials grew up learning that we could have anything we wanted. We as a generation have so much potential to grow, to be incredible, to feed the hungry, to help the poor, to free the captives, to change the world. But instead we prefer to hide behind screens that house fake friendships, surface level relationships, and shallow lives. You can't sit here and tell me that the life you wanted all along was one in which you had no real friends, you get married, then divorced, have two children, and a job you can't stand. Yet that's the life that most people in my generation are choosing! I don't get it. It's so frustrating, saddening, and discouraging. 

There's a reason that most kids will tell you they want to be a doctor, a teacher, a firefighter, a vet, when you ask them what they want to be when they grow up. It's because all people naturally want to help people or do good. This gets tarnished as we grow older as we become more and more exposed to and "okay with." And we become confused. 

So this is my charge to you: live your life with meaning. Go out there and find what you were made to do. Sit down and have a long chat with your Creator about the work you're supposed to be doing. Press the power button on your electronics long enough to get to know someone new today. Life is short, so change today, with me. 

We don't have to be shells anymore. 

Living Advent, In Real Life.

Right now, I'm in an in between time. I've moved home, to wait for another place, or wait for a time that I can actually afford to live not at home. I'm waiting for my job to be over (in July), waiting for the paint in my room to dry. Waiting to have time to get something to hang things up in my room. I'm waiting for camp to begin. I'm waiting. And for someone who is just about as impatient as it gets, this is not a fun time for me. 

I remember when I was a kid, my dad told me to sit and wait so that he could drive me to a friends house. He said we'd leave in 45 minutes. After one minute, I couldn't believe I had 44 more to go... It already felt like an eternity! That was the first time I remember really contemplating how long time took to pass! And that I'm not good at waiting. Or time management. Or time in general. I'm always either late or early or I rush things, or I take too long. I'm just not good at time.

Anyways (I really don't know how you people read these things because I feel like I get off track so much)... a while ago when advent first started, when I was telling her about my current waiting predicament my older sister said to me "it's like you're living advent in real life." And this is something that came back to my mind today. So I'm delving into thinking about that today, and these are my thoughts:

1) During the time that Mary was pregnant with Jesus, she was waiting. Waiting for a baby. Waiting for what this baby would mean. Waiting for what his whole life would be like, and knowing that He was the Messiah. Mary must have felt like she was just waiting for her world to completely change. I can't imagine knowing that at some point, your life will change, and you know it's coming and that there's nothing you can do to change it.

2) Joseph was waiting. In many ways, Joseph's waiting was the same as Mary's. But he also must have been wondering what it would be like to be a father to someone who already had a Father, and also how to be a father to someone who would teach him so much.

3) The world was waiting. Much like we're all waiting now for Jesus to come, the world then was waiting for the Messiah. They were waiting for the Promised One to come. 

So as I sit here contemplating waiting, it is a comfort to me that so many important people were told to wait, and now I'm being told the same. "Wait, and I will bring you something incredibly amazing." That's what I'm hearing right now. And for me, that's a hard thing to do. To wait. But today, I take comfort in the fact that I am waiting with Mary, and Joseph, and the world in general. Because really, aren't we all waiting?

Also, my friend Sarah puts it so wonderfully. I know there's something, I just don't know what.

Trying to Reform the Hoarder in Me. Also I Can't Say No.

Two very big problems I have are that I am a really bad hoarder, and that I also can't say no. in some ways, they're related in that by not saying "no," I'm hoarding experiences and people. (I'm not really sure if that makes sense, but it makes sense in my mind).

Here's some big news that needs to be said before I continue writing this post, and there's no really good time to say it.....

I'm moving home for a little bit. I'm not sure for how long, or how I'm going to like living back in Marion for a while, but it's what I need to do. It simply makes more financial sense, as well as more emotional sense. I've been kinda bored living where I was, and so now at least I'll have my family. :)

Anyways, back on track. I'm redoing my bedroom. This bedroom has been mine since junior high. Needless to say, we've been through a lot together. And honestly, this is a big problem because of one of my previously mentioned problems (the hoarding). I simply can't throw things away because I think "I might need it one day!" or "so-and-so meant so much to me when I was in fourth grade" (let alone the fact that I haven't spoken to so-and-so SINCE fourth grade, AND they were one of the ones who caused a lot of drama in eighth grade...or something). Anyways, there is so much stuff that I haven't really touched/looked at since going away to college. And I'm throwing it out. Well... most of it. As much as I can handle to throw out.

I'm a new person. I'm beginning a new chapter. I'm an adult (usually). And I need a new space. So I'm redoing my room, and trying to throw away as much as possible. I took down all the pictures of people that I no longer talk to, I got rid of posters of bands that I haven't listened to in years, threw away most of the knick-knacks that I got from White Elephant gift exchanges. And it feels great. I am excited to start this new chapter in my new space, and I can't wait to show you pictures when it's done. Because it's going to be absolutely fabulous.

So not only is my new space changing my hoarding habits, it's also changing my "can't say no" problem. I was invited to go ice skating tonight with my best friend and her friends (or just my friends... cause they are), And I said no! Well. Kind of. I said I'd join them for dinner then go home because I need to finish painting my room by Saturday. Usually I would have said "YES. I'LL DO IT ALL AND THEN NOT PAINT MY ROOM AND HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH WHEN MY SISTER COMES HOME. So maybe this means that I'm in the process of fixing two of my problems, or maybe I'm just excited about getting a new space... I don't know. I'm just enjoying the process.

Unfortunately, I don't have any before pictures of my room, but I'll be sure to show you the after pictures! :)

I'm also excited about living at home because it means I get to be with ETHEL!!!!!!!

My Grandmother's Story

My grandmother is an extremely inspiring person. She is beautiful, wonderful and thoughtful. She also has an incredible testimony. My grandma's family were all Jehovah's Witnesses. From a young age, this didn't sit well with my grandmother. She was always asking questions that weren't able to be answered by the people at her church or even her father. One day, when she went to services with her father, she stood up and asked a question. The person leading this study was not able to answer her question. She told her father that if they weren't able to answer her questions, she was not going to return.

Eventually, she had a friend who invited her to go with her to a church down the street, and she wanted so badly to go there. Unfortunately, her father wouldn't let her because she would have to cross the street by herself (she wasn't too old at the time). And so she problem solved. Like many of the women in my family, my grandmother is very stubborn. She says "I teased and teased for him to let me go to that church, and then I realized there was a church on the corner of our  street that I wouldn't have to cross the street to get to. So I teased and teased to go to that church." My grandma told me this weekend that she wasn't much older than sixth grade at this point. She went to that church for a very long time, all alone. I can't imagine keeping my faith alive within a family who doesn't believe what I believe, especially being that young. My grandma is inspiring.

It also amazes me that without this story, I wouldn't be. Without her faith, and her persistence, my incredible cousins, aunts, uncles, mom, family wouldn't be. She probably wouldn't have met my grandpa. So many things would be different. I guess for me, it just puts our decisions into perspective. If you believe something is right and true, stand up for it. Pursue it. Because you never know what it will effect. 

She is also really adorable and very VERY carefully hand-picks every card she sends!

I've Been Taking Myself On Dates: On Going to The Movies Alone

Lately I've had this philosophy:
"Why choose not to do something/go somewhere simply because you don't have anyone to do it with you?"

Now many of you who know me are probably shocked... I am an extrovert. I like people. I need people. But, people are not a common commodity these days in my life. I've been pretty lonely. Which I've come to grips with, it's been the season I'm in (which is honestly going to be changing yet again, but you didn't hear that from me).
So, the week of Thanksgiving was when the Catching Fire movie came out. I wanted to go see it so badly! My friends had gone to see it when it came out that weekend, and I couldn't because I was out of town. So, because I didn't have anyone to go with, I went by myself. Going to the movies alone is a completely weird, crazy, but awesome experience. I strongly suggest you do it sometime. Here's what I noticed.


1) There's no one to ask you annoying questions.  Once I went to the movies to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One on opening night. It was my first time going to see a midnight premier, AND it was Harry Potter. You can only imagine how excited I was, and even then it wouldn't begin to cover it. Here's the kicker: my friend wasn't as avid a fan of HP as the rest of us were, and proceeded to ask questions throughout the entire thing! I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, I was glad I didn't have to deal with someone asking questions throughout the whole Catching Fire movie

2) There's no one around you checking their phones. Call me old fashioned, but I hate when people are on their phone in the movie theater! It's so distracting to me and other people! Also, it's all part of the experience of going to the movies. Movies are one of the only times we get to forget our outside lives and immerse ourselves in another world. And I like that.

3) You don't have to share your snacks with anyone.  This one's self explanatory!


I loved going to the movies with myself so much that I signed up to take a truffles class last night! It was at The Cocoa Bean Shoppe in Pittsford, and it was absolutely delightful!

I like this "dating myself" thing. Just because I don't have someone else, doesn't mean I can't do fun things, too!

New Beginnings

Here I am, starting yet another blog. Hopefully this one will take off, and I'll update it more faithfully. I decided to create a new one because I basically stopped updating my old one, and also, it's theme is kind of irrelevant now. It was titled "Life of a College Israelite." And well... I'm not in college anymore. I guess I'm probably still an Israelite.. Meaning that I am still in my dumb sin cycle; going back and forth just like the Israelites in the period of the Judges.

ANYWAYS, life is pretty interesting right now. Kind of... I'm adjusting to being a normal working person, which is so so so strange. I have a 9-5 job, and I think I like it. The job is great, the people are wonderful, but I just can't help but think that there's more to life than working 9-5. Even when you're working in a nonprofit.
 I believe some people aren't satisfied to just sit at a desk and work all day.
 I believe that some people were called to so much more.
 I believe that in order to be satisfied, some people need to be contributing some good to society, they need  community, they need to know that they're actually making a change.
 I believe that work and play and life can all come together.
 I believe that I was called for all these things.

(side note: the funny thing is that all of these come true when I'm at camp during the summer) :)

But anyways, these things are all reasons why I believe that I'm supposed to be leaving the country soon. I don't know what this means. Whether it means after July 3rd (when my job ends), after camp this summer, or after my lease ends in May 2015, but I know that the next place I live will probably not be in the good ole' USA.

So lately, I've been looking at different programs of different lengths. They range from 3 months to 2 years. Part of the exciting thing about this process is being completely open and allowing God to show me where I'm going.

The first option I found was called The World Race. And it's really awesome. You go to 11 countries in 11 months. I love the idea of travelling to 11 different places. It's awesome.

I'm trying to enjoy trusting God and relying on Him to provide me with answers, money, and resources. Because in the end, that's what it's all about.