What my Grandparents taught me about marriage

I think most of us are familiar with the traditional Christian form of marriage: with a head-of-the-household husband and a submissive wife (if you're of that belief, PLEASE don't check out yet, keep reading… I’m not planning on bashing this lifestyle or anything). Until recently, I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a relationship that sounded like that and I think that's because it doesn't sound very glamorous. But recently, I've seen a new side of that style of relationship. My grandparents had a traditional marriage. And like I said, until I was visiting my grandma, I wasn't sure I was willing to be in that kind of relationship.

However, under my impression, my Grandpa loved my Grandma. He loved her so much that during most of their marriage, she never drove when they went somewhere together. In fact, she didn't even bother to get her license until she needed it for a job as a school nurse. He loved her so much that he surprised her with a house so that she wouldn't have a lot to take care of when he was gone. He bought her a car that would last her until after he was gone. He loved her. And he loved her through leading her and providing for her. And that is beautiful.By driving her everywhere, buying her a house and a car, by providing for her, He loved her as Jesus loved the church. He really understood. Listening to my grandmother talk a little bit about her marriage painted me the exact picture of what it meant in the Bible when it says "Husbands, love your wives as Jesus loves the church." It's all about sacrifice and love and service, not a power trip that is based on control and pleasing the self. All of a sudden, this view that I believe so many people blindly subscribe to didn’t sound too bad. I would love to be cared for like that. And I believe that’s what we all deserve. I believe we’re all supposed to “love your spouse as Jesus loves the church,” as well as be loved as Jesus loves the church.

It’s not at all about who gets to make the decisions. It’s not about who makes dinner, or who makes more money, or how the bills get paid, or even how the children get raised. It’s about two people trying to serve each other like Jesus served the church, by laying your life down for each other, not by struggling to have the power.

And yet, as I sit here writing this post, it makes me so sad that people like me have a bad taste in our mouth about this style of marriage. It saddens me that a picture painted so beautifully in scripture is simplified to male dominance and female silence. And it’s not even the fact that most traditional marriages I know are like this (at least I believe they aren’t). It’s just that I believe that most people see it that way: That somehow men are less emotive, or stronger, and women are more emotional and unable to make decisions without a man. It’s sad that modern Christians have boiled such a beautiful picture of marriage down to emotions and the ability or inability to make decisions.

So I think whether you believe in female submission or not, I honestly don’t believe it has much to do with that at all. I think marriage has to do with service, sacrifice, and providing for each other the way that Jesus has served, sacrificed, and provided for the church.And that is beautiful, and definitely a marriage I want to be a part of someday.

Also, here's a picture of my grandma meeting her newest great-granddaughter, Eva Grace. So cute!

One BIG reason I'm not engaged (at 21)

Lately, there’s been a trend of people writing blogs and posts about why they did or did not get engaged at a young age. For the most part, all these reasons are great. And they work wonderfully for you. But if we really boil it down, there’s (hopefully) one major reason why you are or are not engaged, it’s in your plan. I believe that I’m not engaged or in a relationship simply because it’s not in my plan. I’ve chatted with God a little (a lot) about this, cause believe me it hasn’t been easy, and He’s made it pretty plain that it’ll happen eventually (or it won’t, which I’ll have to be okay with).

But the truth is that why you did or didn’t get engaged young isn’t important. It doesn’t matter to anyone but you. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself, and I think it’s sad that you feel you need to. I’m glad you’re engaged or married, and to those that aren’t, cheers to you too. There are positives and negatives to each lifestyle, and whether someone else gets married young doesn’t affect my decisions about relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, if I could be engaged right now, I probably would. I love the idea of being in a relationship, getting engaged, and being married. But like I said earlier, God and I have chatted about it, and I know I am meant to be single for now. So I’ve learned to appreciate where I am. I love that I have absolutely no idea that I have no idea what I’m going to be doing in a year from now. For all I know, my life could be absolutely different in every way in a year. And that’s exciting for me. I’m not responsible for anyone else. I have nothing tying me down from doing the work that Jesus has called me to. And I love that freedom.

 I guess my whole point is instead of trying to find reasons to justify why we did or didn’t get married or engaged, let’s appreciate where we are. Let’s make the most of it. Single people, take the time to travel, adopt an animal (or a kid… I like to tell people there’s a good chance that I’ll have adopted a kid before I get married), volunteer; focus on becoming who God wants you to be. It’s a wonderful time (believe me, it’s taken a lot for me to get to the point where I can say that).  And those in a relationship, do whatever you guys do. Focus on each other, focus not on why you got together so young, but on what you’re going to do about it. You have what some of us see as a precious gift, so don’t waste it trying to justify to those few haters out there about why you’re together.

Disclaimer- I'm obviously not married or engaged, not have I ever even been in a relationship, so for all I know, everything I'm saying could be completely wrong. I'm not trying to act like I know everything. This is just something I've been thinking about lately. 

An Apathetic Generation

I've been realizing a few things lately about my generation. The first is that my generation is extremely apathetic. A lot of us don't care about important things. Things like social justice problems, faith, policy issues, a failing healthcare system, parentless children, poverty, world hunger, war, or basically anything that doesn't have something to do with the small rectangle attached to their hands. Now, I'll be the first to say that yes, I do sometimes fall into this trap. I can be selfish and materialistic. However, this is something I recognize as a problem. Many people have gotten to the point where this is a normal thing, and that it's weird and strange not to be self absorbed. This is a terrible tragedy.

I've watched so many of my friends go down this path, they become consumed with themselves so much that they can't even out their phones down in order to look you in the eye and have a serious conversation with you. If we don't do something soon, we are going to lose the art of face-to-face conversation that is vital in our society. But it's more than just being on your phone (and please hear me, I am guilty of this too). When someone goes down this path, it's as if they have lost all purpose of life. Suddenly they are just living life to get through to the next step that they're supposed to. Maybe it's college, maybe it's grad school, maybe it's getting a real job, but none of it actually matters because it's not what they're passionate about. You see, people in my generation are so absorbed by what others think that they're too scared to step out of the box, to stand up for what is right, to be a voice for someone else. They'd rather turn a blind eye than get involved with something that is worthwhile, but potentially messy. 

The second thing I've noticed is that everyone else, the people who do still care, don't hold the others accountable. Either we'd rather be the heros, or we have been a little infected too (in that we're too afraid to say something). But I believe it's up to us, those of us who have not been consumed by personality-sucking virus that has plagued our generation to stand up. We were meant to say something to those people who don't care anymore, those people who would rather get drunk every weekend and continue to waste their brain cells on something that is much less productive than doing the work that they were made for. 

Us Millenials grew up learning that we could have anything we wanted. We as a generation have so much potential to grow, to be incredible, to feed the hungry, to help the poor, to free the captives, to change the world. But instead we prefer to hide behind screens that house fake friendships, surface level relationships, and shallow lives. You can't sit here and tell me that the life you wanted all along was one in which you had no real friends, you get married, then divorced, have two children, and a job you can't stand. Yet that's the life that most people in my generation are choosing! I don't get it. It's so frustrating, saddening, and discouraging. 

There's a reason that most kids will tell you they want to be a doctor, a teacher, a firefighter, a vet, when you ask them what they want to be when they grow up. It's because all people naturally want to help people or do good. This gets tarnished as we grow older as we become more and more exposed to and "okay with." And we become confused. 

So this is my charge to you: live your life with meaning. Go out there and find what you were made to do. Sit down and have a long chat with your Creator about the work you're supposed to be doing. Press the power button on your electronics long enough to get to know someone new today. Life is short, so change today, with me. 

We don't have to be shells anymore. 

The craziness that was 2013, and the craziness that will be 2014

2013 came and went like a whirlwind. It seems like I barely got used to writing 13, and now I have to adjust to 14. I can't believe it. So much happened and so much changed. But in the end, I wouldn't go back and replace any of it. Here's some of the most meaningful moments of 2013:

1) I had my last semester of college. This was heartbreaking. And terribly exciting. and terrifying. And lovely. And about 500 things/feelings all rolled into one. I worked so much (just under full time) at both of my lovely jobs (in admissions and at the library) and took mostly easy classes. It was the best semester yet.

2) I graduated college.

....With some of the best social workers I know! I'm honored to have had the experience of going through undergrad with these people.

3) I went on a cruise. And never have I ever been more relaxed than when I was on vacation with my best friends.
 
If you EVER get the chance to travel with your friends, DO IT.

4) I went to Guatemala. I was able to see this sweet face again:

And made life-long friends with the people I traveled with. Even though we got stuck in Miami for a day (bummer, right), we still had fun (however, we were getting kind of sick of each other... and we were really sunburned and barely had any clean laundry left...)!


5) The summer of 2013 was the first summer I wasn't able to be at camp all summer in over 5 years. And that was really hard. But I was able to go for a week, and some of staff training. And I had an incredible internship that made it okay. AND I MADE A PERFECT DOUGHBOY.


6) The fall of 2013 brought me my first job. While it hasn't been perfect, it's been something. I appreciate having the opportunity to create new connections, and gain the experience of working.

2013 was a pretty spectacular year. These things are just a few of the awesome experiences I've had, and I'm so excited to begin creating new ones in 2014.... So here it is, my New Years resolution for 2014:

In the year 2014, I will strive to surround myself with and create friendships that make me want to be a better person. I want to be encouraged by those around me, and hope to set this foundation so that I can be this for other people. After graduating, I feel like I need some more people in my life, and hopefully 2014 will bring that for me. 

Living Advent, In Real Life.

Right now, I'm in an in between time. I've moved home, to wait for another place, or wait for a time that I can actually afford to live not at home. I'm waiting for my job to be over (in July), waiting for the paint in my room to dry. Waiting to have time to get something to hang things up in my room. I'm waiting for camp to begin. I'm waiting. And for someone who is just about as impatient as it gets, this is not a fun time for me. 

I remember when I was a kid, my dad told me to sit and wait so that he could drive me to a friends house. He said we'd leave in 45 minutes. After one minute, I couldn't believe I had 44 more to go... It already felt like an eternity! That was the first time I remember really contemplating how long time took to pass! And that I'm not good at waiting. Or time management. Or time in general. I'm always either late or early or I rush things, or I take too long. I'm just not good at time.

Anyways (I really don't know how you people read these things because I feel like I get off track so much)... a while ago when advent first started, when I was telling her about my current waiting predicament my older sister said to me "it's like you're living advent in real life." And this is something that came back to my mind today. So I'm delving into thinking about that today, and these are my thoughts:

1) During the time that Mary was pregnant with Jesus, she was waiting. Waiting for a baby. Waiting for what this baby would mean. Waiting for what his whole life would be like, and knowing that He was the Messiah. Mary must have felt like she was just waiting for her world to completely change. I can't imagine knowing that at some point, your life will change, and you know it's coming and that there's nothing you can do to change it.

2) Joseph was waiting. In many ways, Joseph's waiting was the same as Mary's. But he also must have been wondering what it would be like to be a father to someone who already had a Father, and also how to be a father to someone who would teach him so much.

3) The world was waiting. Much like we're all waiting now for Jesus to come, the world then was waiting for the Messiah. They were waiting for the Promised One to come. 

So as I sit here contemplating waiting, it is a comfort to me that so many important people were told to wait, and now I'm being told the same. "Wait, and I will bring you something incredibly amazing." That's what I'm hearing right now. And for me, that's a hard thing to do. To wait. But today, I take comfort in the fact that I am waiting with Mary, and Joseph, and the world in general. Because really, aren't we all waiting?

Also, my friend Sarah puts it so wonderfully. I know there's something, I just don't know what.