I think most of us are familiar with the traditional Christian form of marriage: with a head-of-the-household husband and a submissive wife (if you're of that belief, PLEASE don't check out yet, keep reading… I’m not planning on bashing this lifestyle or anything). Until recently, I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a relationship that sounded like that and I think that's because it doesn't sound very glamorous. But recently, I've seen a new side of that style of relationship. My grandparents had a traditional marriage. And like I said, until I was visiting my grandma, I wasn't sure I was willing to be in that kind of relationship.
However, under my impression, my Grandpa loved my Grandma. He loved her so much that during most of their marriage, she never drove when they went somewhere together. In fact, she didn't even bother to get her license until she needed it for a job as a school nurse. He loved her so much that he surprised her with a house so that she wouldn't have a lot to take care of when he was gone. He bought her a car that would last her until after he was gone. He loved her. And he loved her through leading her and providing for her. And that is beautiful.By driving her everywhere, buying her a house and a car, by providing for her, He loved her as Jesus loved the church. He really understood. Listening to my grandmother talk a little bit about her marriage painted me the exact picture of what it meant in the Bible when it says "Husbands, love your wives as Jesus loves the church." It's all about sacrifice and love and service, not a power trip that is based on control and pleasing the self. All of a sudden, this view that I believe so many people blindly subscribe to didn’t sound too bad. I would love to be cared for like that. And I believe that’s what we all deserve. I believe we’re all supposed to “love your spouse as Jesus loves the church,” as well as be loved as Jesus loves the church.
It’s not at all about who gets to make the decisions. It’s not about who makes dinner, or who makes more money, or how the bills get paid, or even how the children get raised. It’s about two people trying to serve each other like Jesus served the church, by laying your life down for each other, not by struggling to have the power.
And yet, as I sit here writing this post, it makes me so sad that people like me have a bad taste in our mouth about this style of marriage. It saddens me that a picture painted so beautifully in scripture is simplified to male dominance and female silence. And it’s not even the fact that most traditional marriages I know are like this (at least I believe they aren’t). It’s just that I believe that most people see it that way: That somehow men are less emotive, or stronger, and women are more emotional and unable to make decisions without a man. It’s sad that modern Christians have boiled such a beautiful picture of marriage down to emotions and the ability or inability to make decisions.
So I think whether you believe in female submission or not, I honestly don’t believe it has much to do with that at all. I think marriage has to do with service, sacrifice, and providing for each other the way that Jesus has served, sacrificed, and provided for the church.And that is beautiful, and definitely a marriage I want to be a part of someday.
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