How has God been good to you?

Every Thanksgiving, my family has a little Thanksgiving "service." It's a time to reflect on the meaning of Thanksgiving, and occasionally we do the traditional "go around the table and say what you're thankful for." This year, my beautiful sisters lead the service;  Jessa lead us in worship, and Dannis lead us in our reflection. The reflection was simple. She read us Psalm 116 and asked us to reflect specifically on how God has been good to you in the year 2014.

Psalm 116:7 says "Return to your rest, oh soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

Well. This kind of rocked my world, to be honest. This year has been really tough. In fact, a year ago was probably one of the toughest times in my life. I was going through a lot, making a lot of hard choices, working a job that I really didn't like, feeling like I didn't really have much meaning. But God was good to me.

He gave me a different job, which would open so many doors. 

He provided a way for me to be at camp all summer.

He directed me away from grad school, and offered so many other things.

But in those moments, it wasn't always that easy. I was left feeling bounced around; like a nomad. Every time I thought something was going to be permanent, it changed. And to be honest, it still is changing. I haven't had two similar weeks since August, I think, when I was unemployed. Just when I'd get settled, BOOM, something would come along that totally knocked my socks off. I started feeling like this meant that maybe God was feeling a little disorganized or something, or that maybe He just kinda forgot a little about me.

But when Dannis read Psalm 116, it clicked, and brought tears to my eyes. All along, all these steps, He's preparing His dream in my heart. All these different phases this year have lead me to something bigger, and I've appreciated each one. 

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
11 in my alarm I said,
    “Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his faithful servants.
16 Truly I am your servant, Lord;
    I serve you just as my mother did;
    you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
    and call on the name of the Lord.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the Lord—
    in your midst, Jerusalem.

God has never left you. He enjoys providing for you. Things that may not seem like a blessing, are the biggest blessings that you didn't even know how to ask for because you didn't think you needed them. Let your soul relax, for He has been good to you.

Why the word "No" isn't always the end to your dreams

This week should be my second week of grad school. Right now, I should be doing homework, reading, or getting ready to begin my internship (despite having a horrible cold). Needless to say, I should be in student mentality again, like I thought I would be right now.
However, I'm not. And here's why: On Thursday, I decided to discontinue grad school. I sat down and had a really difficult conversation with my dad about my financial situation and decided that grad school wouldn't be the smartest thing for me to do.
Before I made this decision, I believed that I would go get my masters, and then work in ministry for the rest of my life. Until I had this conversation, I thought that was possible. But grad school (at least at SU) would put me into serious debt, and I would need a really great Social Work job to pay for it. So I said no.

At first, I felt like this was exactly contrary to my dreams. I felt like I needed this education in order to do what I feel called to. But the letters MSW at the end of my name are nothing compared to God going before me. I can have all the education in the world, but if I don't let God accomplish what He wants to accomplish in me, then nothing will get done.

The day I made this decision, I felt really embarrassed. I couldn't imagine telling people that last minute I decided not to do grad school. I thought people would think it was because I felt overwhelmed with the work, or that I wasn't up for school again; that I was chickening out. But that's the exact opposite of how I feel now. If anything, I feel like I am empowered to continue my education. I hope to look at other programs that aren't as expensive. Before getting into SU, I never in a million years thought I'd go to grad school. But after attending a few classes there, I know I am prepared. When it is a financially wise decision for me, I will be there.

And how crazy is it that over the summer I decided to live at home and commute to Syracuse! Was that God's protection or what?

So, in the end, here's the biggest thing I've learned: Saying "no" to something you think you aren't qualified without is okay. It doesn't mean your dreams are over... It may mean they're being fast-tracked. Also, you don't have to be embarrassed to tell people you made a smart, wise, financially-sound decision.


I'm going to close with this: the morning of my big decision, I woke up with this verse in my brain: "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). That morning I felt like I was falling apart... That I finally had a plan for my life, and now it was quickly crumbling apart. But now I know that my "plans" are being held together by The One who is before all things. And thank goodness He goes before us!

Two Types of People in the World

I've been away from my blog for a while, and for that I apologize (not that any of you feel offended by this absence...). But for what this blog post is going to contain, I just can't apologize for.

Throughout my life, I have developed a theory about people and how they see the world, how they see why the world was created, why we exist on it, why others come into their lives, why they experience things, etc. I've come to know that there are two types of people.

The first are people who see the world only through their eyes. It is somehow ingrained deeply in who they are that they are the only ones who actually exist- that the world was created simply for them to live their lives. That people outside their circles exist, but only to make up statistics that may or may not effect this individual. Please, please, don't get me wrong. Sometimes these people are so nice, and they are pleasant and wonderful. But sometimes, you may be burned by them- and badly.

The second type of person sees that there are billions of people thinking billions of thoughts, each with billions of different circles. This type sees that the world is large, but still believes that somehow, they were put here for a purpose. Being one of these people, it can get discouraging, this big earth, but this type of person also believes that God has orchestrated this large planet with all these beautiful people for a reason and that we get to be one tiny little blip on this massive chart, each with our own poetic story.

Sometimes the second type can fall into believing those beliefs of the first type. This can be so confusing and frankly disappointing when we realize that no, God didn't simply create the whole world for us.

I hope I'm not coming on too strong, or saying this hurtfully. It's simply how I have come to learn what people believe. And honestly, the word "believe" is almost too light for what I'm trying to describe to you. 

Also please know that I don't think the first type can't change, that they can't someday come to realize that all the 7.165 billion people on this planet have thoughts and lives outside their own. I think that's completely possible.

But what's funny about this whole thing is that while you may think I identify with only the second type, I am somewhat first typed.... I realized that this week when I was with my grandma. I realized that to me, I don't realize that she has lives outside of when I'm there, or the stories I hear from my aunt, cousin, and mother. She lives in her house everyday. Spends most of her time alone, in her small house that's filled with things that remind her that her house wasn't always empty. I can't get over the fact that I somehow convinced myself that she doesn't spend the same amount of time I do, just simply living.... and that's the way some people see every single person they've never met.


I'm sure this sounds like such random rambling... But let me leave you with this reminder: There are approximately 7.165 BILLION people on this Earth. That means that there are 7.165 billion people breathing right now. There are 7.165 billion people and this earth was created for them just as much as it was created for you, for me. There are 7.165 billion people on this planet we call home and God knows and loves each one of them and waits for the day that they cry out to Him so that He can come to their rescue. 

I hope we never ever again believe that we're alone.

All In!

Here's something I wrote last spring:

"About a month ago, I spent a week with my camp mom and dad. They are always inspiring me in ways they don't even know, and I love getting to spend time with them. Most of our time was spent doing work for camp, and it was great! This summer, I'm going to be the assistant director at Camp Cherith. I am so excited to have this new experience.... But also a little nervous. I'm nervous that I won't get enough time with the kids. I'm nervous that I won't be sufficient for the job. I'm nervous that I'm going to get too tired...

But as I write this, there's one word that's echoing through my heart and mind: trust. Trust that God called me here for a reason. Trust that the camp board & director didn't hire me for just any reason. Trust that God will give me the strength for this summer. Trust that He can do it.

I'm reading the book All In by Mark Batterson (it's the book we're going to be using during our staff Bible study this summer). It's a great book... But something definitely stuck out the other day "If Jesus hung on His cross, we can certainly carry ours! It's our highest privilege and greatest responsibility. Anything less than the complete surrender of our lives to the lordship of Jesus Christ is robbing God of the glory He demands and deserves. It's also cheating ourselves our of the eternal reward God has reserved for us."

Long story short: I'm along for the ride. I have decided to be "All In." I don't know where it's going to go. I'm trusting, following, and trying my hardest to enjoy the ride. There have been so many changes in my life lately, but the underlying theme has been trust (Maybe He's trying to tell me something). He has the details. He has given me so much... He's given me everything! And the least I can do is give Him my life.

All this to say, I've realized that worrying is safe. Trusting Him is scary, at first, but ultimately the best thing for us."

Worrying is safe. Trusting Him is scary. How true... From last spring to right now (6months) these words are still ringing through my life!! We are continually being asked to trust Him with everything. 

I've been going to Young Life leadership meetings (I've been considering becoming a leader). Last night we studied the Rich Young Ruler in Mark 10, and how he followed all the commandments, but the idea of going "all in" with Jesus scared him. It disappointed him, he turned away disheartened. My prayer is that I continually see what an honor it is to go all in for the king of the universe, and that the price tag never seems too high. 

This has especially been working in my life as I decided to not go to grad school. I chose to honor God with my finances, and now I've been trusting Him in my job search. I went in to it thinking "if I get a full time job, I will go with it, because I know that's where God has lead." But instead He's been piecing together different part time things (which I hope means camp next summer.... And the next summer, and the next summer, and... Well you get the idea) :)

But the point is that I have to be willing to give everything, sell all my possessions, give to the poor, be willing to give up my dreams (even grad school and camp). We can find hope in the fact that if we delight ourselves in The Lord, he will give us the desires of our heart. Because if we are delighting ourselves in The Lord, our desires will be His desires.

I hope this is encouraging to you, and if my story isn't enough, look back at your life: where has God been faithful? (maybe an easier question us where HASNT He been faithful... Never!) be encouraged by the times God has triumphed through you, Despite you. This summer is a huge milestone in my life, especially to think back and see that I had the doubts mentioned above. But God reigns through our doubts and our trust issues! How awesome. 

New, Exciting Things!!

SO many crazy, exciting things have been going on in my life, and I am just so excited about all of them.

The first (and most obvious) is that my blog has a new design! My wonderful friend Sara made me the design and set it all up. She does wonderful work, and I would highly recommend her for anything design. Her blog (where you can find her contact info for design work) is Here. And while you're there, you should read her blog, because she's really awesome. :)  So Sara and I (but mostly Sara) have been working on that, so that's part of the reason that I haven't posted... I wanted my next post to be the big release of my new blog design (which I love sooooo much) Thank you, Sara!

But I've also been pretty busy outside that.... Between working part time for camp, saving time for friends, and making random trips out to Springville (south of Buffalo) to see my Grandma and family, I've been busy! But all good things, of course.... The most exciting thing of all is that I've officially applied to grad school. I have applied to Syracuse University's Masters of Social Work program.

Are you surprised? Cause I am! I was not expecting to go back to school this soon, but one day I just decided to look at schools, because I thought I was going to move to Buffalo. But none of the programs in Buffalo were exactly what I was looking for... I then thought to myself "I think Syracuse has a program." It turns out they do! They have a wonderful program, with a concentration that is exactly what I want (Community organization, planning, policy, and administration). So I applied! And I'll find out in May (hopefully). I'm so looking forward to the possibility of a new city, new people, lots of new things! And I'm actually looking forward to learning again, believe it or not!

I'm also taking a few trips within the next few weeks. I leave for Chicago tomorrow. Jessa and I are visiting Dannis in the windy city! And then after Easter, I'm taking a road trip down to Maryland to visit some friends, and my lovely camp mom and dad.

So I guess the whole point of this blog post is just to point out that God is creating new things. And this is the season for it! I am realizing how much "resurrecting" God's been doing in my life since this fall... It's been a tough road, but I've been so blessed through this year, and I am so thankful that God is the creator of all things beautiful. He gives us hope, joy, and so many different opportunities. He really does make beautiful things out of dust.

Also, I don't know why I'm just realizing it, but isn't it so cool that Passover and Easter are this week? Jewish people are celebrating being set free 3,000 years ago, while Christians are also celebrating freedom from sin. Coincidence? I don't think so. I'm so thankful for freedom in Jesus!

Camp: why do I do it?

A lot of times, I am asked "why do I do it?" when I tell someone about my job at Camp Cherith... This question also comes when I tell them how much I get paid for the amount of work I do over the summer (which isn't much, but it's more compared to other camps). I love camp. Please PLEASE don't get me wrong. But every once in a while, I ask myself why I do it too. Like when I get a full time job offer, but have that feeling in the back of my mind saying "don't take it" because I'd have to miss the summer at camp. Or when I get home after a full summer at camp and all I want to do is sleep for a week....

 

Last night though, I got the clear answer. I was facilitating a camp night with my friend Alicia at a church outside of Buffalo with about 40 girls. And I realized that I loved spending time with them. Each of them. I loved the fact that they were there, at church on a school night instead of being God knows where else. I loved watching them react to when we bursted into song in the middle of telling them about the camp schedule.

 

Two summers ago, I was a Division Director (basically the counselor to the counselors) with two of my favorite people ever. 

My best friend and I shared an area that we affectionately call "the Cubby." The Cubby has basically enough space for two beds with a foot of floorspace between them (for some reason when we tell people about the Cubby, they can't understand why it was so magical).

Every night before we went to bed, we'd hold hands and say to each other "we have the best life" (right after we'd say "good-night" to our poster of Lil Wayne... but that's besides the point). Every morning when we'd wake up, at 6:30 in the morning (to Ke$ha's Dinosaur-- D-I-N-O-S-A-UR a dinosaur....) we'd say to each other "we have the worst life." That summer brought the three of us so many laughs, memories, joyous occasions, and tons of fun. But it also brought us a lot of heartache, many tears, and so very many desperate prayers and shouts to God.  We really did have the best and worst life that summer. We saw campers who had grown up coming to camp that had become hardened by the world. We saw them grapple with such important issues of faith, identity, love, and growing up. But we also were able to see and help them grow. We were able to cry with them, pray with them, love, encourage, and teach them. We could laugh, joke, and act like children with them.  We were able to meet them where they were at, let them know that it does get better, and that they're on the right path. We were able to show them the joy that is to know Jesus.

 

Sometimes, I think back on the tougher times of that summer and think "why did I do that? why did I allow myself to get that worn out and exhausted?" Or I think about my current life choices (driving to and from Buffalo in the middle of the week), and ask myself "what was I thinking when I agreed to this?" But last night I was reminded that it's so not about me. It's not about the staff at camp. It's about showing girls (and boys) that they don't have to be what society tells them they have to be. It's about reminding and teaching them that there is a God who created them, loves them, redeemed them, and can't wait to have a relationship with them. Hope in Jesus Christ, that's why I do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always an Adventure: Food Edition

I've been so busy lately which is why my blog has been pretty quiet lately. there have been a lot of changes in my life lately, some of which I’m ready to tell you, and some of which I’m going to keep a surprise for a little bit longer (I’m not pregnant, engaged, in a relationship, or leaving the country-for an extended amount of time… don’t worry. They’re not that big). But I’m going to start off with dedicating this post to telling you about my adventures with food lately.

Over the past month or so, I’ve been completely gluten-free. I’ve been sort of basing this off of The Wheat Belly books, but not quite as intense as his books say. I still eat corn/corn chips/tortillas, even though he says they’re a no. Oh well. Can’t give up my chips and salsa. I’ve also been eating more sugar than he’d say was okay, probably… He tells people to use Stevia which is a fake sweetener, and I’m not 100% sold on that. BUT I’ve been eating no gluten, and when we (my parents are doing it too) bake we use mostly things like coconut flour instead of rice flour or starches, which usually a gluten-free person would eat. I haven’t been eating many processed foods (things like granola bars, things in packages, etc). And when I do, they’re gluten free.

Why you may ask have I given up my gluten-full lifestyle? For a long time I’ve wanted to try going gluten free. I’ve wanted to try it out and see what the hype was. But I’ve also wanted to try eating “clean.” Cutting out processed foods, and only eating those things that I know haven’t been very contaminated by all the crazy things that I’m sure happen in our food industry. So, my parents did it for about two weeks before I was convinced. And then I just did it. I jumped in with only a day’s notice and just went cold turkey. It was insane. And that first week was awful. I felt terrible. I felt like I did when I had to give up caffeine for a class for 40 days(yeah. That was absolutely awful). And I couldn’t believe that I had let these foods have such a grip on my life. I felt like an addict, and that’s pretty much what I was.  But anyways, one of the major reasons I decided on going gluten free was because of my stomach issues. For the past three and a half years, I’ve had awful stomach problems. Cramping, heartburn, acid reflux, erm… bathroom issues, etc. During college, I attributed it to stress, coffee intake, and too many Taco Bell runs (which all could have contributed). But when I graduated and was no longer under as much stress, had cut down on my coffee/caffeine intake, and had no money to go to Taco Bell (yes, I am poorer now than I was in college), I realized that I had a problem. I needed to do something! So I took the plunge.AND I FEEL GREAT. I haven’t had heartburn since starting, which I’m not surprised about. I’ve had no cramping, and I just overall feel great. I have more energy, and I don’t feel like I’m always wanting food.

Some of you, who know how much I love to bake may be surprised. But I still love to bake. And now I get to make up my own recipes- which is totally fun, and terrifying at the same time (it’s like I’m a real baker or something).

Like for example, I made these awesome Shrek cupcakes for Jessa’s musical friends, and they were totally gluten-free. And adorable. :) So don’t worry. I’m still baking. And I still bake things that aren’t gluten free too, even though it means that I’m not licking the spoon (yes, I do have the will power to not lick the spoon… usually).