I had the awesome privilege of getting to go to the Women in Camp Summit in Chicago this past week... I spoke on what "the future is female" means for the camping industry... That reflection is below.
Almost exactly 2 years ago, I shaved my head as a part of a fundraiser for St. Baldricks. They support childhood cancer research. I never really realized that my hair was so connected to my femininity. It makes sense now, but I guess I had just assumed I was immune to feeling insecure about my femininity. But soon, I fell into being self-conscious about it. I had to have earrings in, or a bow in my hair.
But one day, I just decided that I didn't want that anymore. I realized that femininity meant more than looks. I have fun dressing up and looking nice, but it's more than that.
What makes you feminine isn't about your hair or clothes... So what is it?
Take a second to think about the first messages you received about being feminine. I think of playing with Barbies, and wearing really uncomfortable stockings every Sunday to church.
These messages are all things we've been told are feminine. I bed a lot of the people who told you those things are a lot like we are now... Moms, mentors, friends... They all shape our view of femininity. I'm not attaching value to the things we've been told about femininity... They're not good or bad. They just got us to where we are. I just wanted us to recognize those messages are there.
So we've talked about what we've been told about femininity... But I'd like to propose what I believe we should believe about femininity.
The phrase "The future is female" can we super inspiring, right? It conjures up the image of women leading the way, blazing paths, being frontrunners in all sorts of fields... These are all things I definitely want... But I think the phrase leaves out a key part of womanhood/femininity: inclusion. Now, I'm not saying "what about men?" I'm saying that when I think of the future being female, I feel a little sad. What about the people we're forgetting? What about those who don't identify as female, but also don't identify as male? I think people who claim that "the future is female" also can forget people of color, people with special needs, and other marginalized people.
This summer, I kind of realized that the future being female ultimately means the future being completely inclusive. No one gets forgotten, or left behind. The future being female means that everyone's voices are heard, and everyone has a seat at the table.
My friend Jess is a kick ass mom to two daughters. Her girls rock sparkles, ride their bikes, read TONS, and love climbing mountains. One time, I was at their house helping Jess tuck the girls in before we broke out the wine. I was leaning over her youngest to kiss her head and she grabbed my face and felt the little hairs on my chin. "Why do you have whiskers? I thought only boys had those. You're like Uncle Brother!" I chuckled and shrugged and said that sometimes women get hair on their faces, and that it's not a big deal. Sammy just said "oh cool" and wrapped her arms around my neck for a hug.
That was the moment I realized that it was my job now to teach girls - friends' daughters, campers, and maybe my own girls someday - what it means to be feminine. It means making sure that everyone has a place at the table.
So how do we do this at camp? How do we make sure that everyone has a voice and are represented?
1. We ask HARD questions and don't fear the answers. Inclusivity is hard work. We need to dive deep into our organizations to see where we can be more inclusive. This may mean having some uncomfy talks - but inclusivity is worth it.
2. We need to look around and find out who's not at our table and then we need to go to them.
3. We need to listen. We've heard this a lot, but we're not going to get far with inclusivity if we don't listen.
The future being female means inclusion. But it also means extreme empathy.
For a short time of my life, I worked at a crisis hotline. We were part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and a back up center for the Veterans Crisis Line. This was how I learned true empathy. When you're talking with someone who feels so hopeless that they're ready to take their own life, empathy becomes a lifesaving tool. So how do we bring extreme empathy to camp?
1. We train ourselves and staff in active listening. We open our body language, and we learn how to make others feel heard. We put ourselves in others' shoes.
Peg Smith (our speaker the first night) spoke with us about how the past of camping was female. I believe that the future of camping is also female. But this means that it's also nonbinary. Camp's future is multi-racial, multi-cultural, interfaith, and includes and embraces the whole LGBT community. Camp's future is all of this because camp's future is female.
When I was a little girl, the thing that attracted me to camp was that it was an equalizer. My counselors would learn with us, and I would learn from other campers. We all came as we were, and were part of something so unique and special and magical that it would never be created exactly the same again. Now, I get to help create that experience for campers and staff.
This week, I am recommitting to inclusion and empathy. I commit to making them part of my everyday life and work.
I hope you'll join me... Because camp's future is truly female.
Camp's future is us!
